CHRISTIAN MEN OF TODAY PART 2

Before I start saying things about some Christian men who have become sedentary, meek, afraid to speak up, ready to let someone else do the difficult confrontations, and scared to communicate with other men when conflict arises, I readily admit I was in those categories and in some cases, I still struggle to step up and be counted. 

So why a Part 2 when I have already said we are spineless wimps when it comes to speaking up for our faith, having difficult conversations, and being the leaders we are supposed to be? Because I felt the need to go deeper into our problem, give examples of our shortcomings, and to possibly shock some of us into the reality that if we profess to accept Jesus as our Savior, learn His Word, and say we would obey His commands, then why aren’t we doing it?

What shortcomings am I talking about? Men can discuss sports, crime, cars, and various subjects for unlimited time. However, when it comes to our faith or conflict in the body of Christ or with a brother, we will stand silent or flee! There are many examples of poor male leadership in the church by pastoral leaders and laymen alike.

Such as:

A lay Bible study leader in a church made a disciplinary decision without interviewing all parties involved or following the scriptures’ description of how to handle the situation. In the end, the leader stated he would not address the problem anymore and it should be let go.

When some Christian men start to discuss a religious/Biblical topic everything is fine until we discover that there is conflict in what you believe. But when the scriptures are supposed to settle the discussion, it does not. What becomes most important is who is right, and what a person thinks, feels, or believes is right. When it comes down to this point men are not listening to understand but listening to prove their point. 

Others have shared, and this has happened to me: a Christian friend will suddenly become distant, allusive, and cold toward you. When you ask if there is a problem and try to mend the relationship, the other person refuses to be honest with you and states, “There is nothing wrong, everything is fine.” Then, only to find out in a few months that the relationship has ended. No discussion, communication, respect, sharing, or being honest with a brother is involved. 

Some men don’t trust other men in confidence. Brothers have burned men they thought would hold things said in confidence only to find out that the confidence was broken and confidential material was shared with others. 

I have also come across brothers who will not discuss the Bible if there is a difference in what scripture means; they know what they believe is right so why argue or discuss it? And during COVID, I tried to discuss COVID and a different opinion concerning “science” was stated to a long-time friend and wound up almost ending a friendship. He would not even listen to what I had to say; he just wanted his point heard. Another Christian friend, of over 24 years, told me he did not believe in the trinity. I told him why I believe in the Trinity but that was not enough to get him to change his mind. I said I would send him some information from scripture proving God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are three in one and to let me know what he thought. That was 5 years ago and he has not made any comment one way or the other. Why the silence?

My 24 years of being involved in mission activities include 11 years in Mexico (with Christians, non-believers, and pastors-both Indigenous and American), 8 years working with the White Mountain Apache people (with Apache teenagers and parents, Apache and Anglo pastors, and other missionaries), and currently with my wife as the Director of Pro-Love Tucson that helps women who are struggling with an unexpected pregnancy. I also have had the opportunity to visit many different denominational churches, and participated/in and volunteered at many conferences and activities in these churches. 

Over the years as I grew in my Christian Walk and as a servant of His in the mission field, I learned the hard way. Trial and error, misplaced emotions, pride, arrogance, being judgmental, keeping silent when I should have spoken up, and a host of other sins I practiced, sometimes on a daily basis, haunted me and forced me to test everything (1 Thess. 5:21) and showed me the darker side of my life as a Christian. I have also had to learn to swallow my pride, admit to myself and others that I was wrong, repent, and struggle to try to make those mistakes (sins) as seldom as possible. 

One of the things I still struggle with is old tapes. Let me explain. At a marriage conference my wife and I attended, the presenter said that the mistakes and sins we committed are ingrained in our minds and later on, years and years later, and at any moment, we are reminded of them. They were labeled “tapes of our sins.” I believe when that happens it is Satan’s way of trying to get me to remember how bad I am and I can’t be forgiven for my sinful behavior. Even though I think it was Satan trying to influence me, I stand strong and know that I am forgiven and know “because He who is in you (me) is greater than he who is in the world.” That grants me true peace.

When my wife and I started out serving the Lord, in the eyes of some, I was a nobody because I had never been to a Christian college, had no formal training, and no church was sending us out to the mission field. I had no experience, knowledge, or idea of what I was getting into. As time went by, I observed many blessings and God-directed successes. However, I also learned the workings, problems, struggles, politics, nepotism, favoritism, dishonesty, and un-Christlike behavior prominent in some church leaders and missionaries in the mission field and at home. 

However, I did ask for help before we started. In early 2000, I asked four local pastors if they would mentor me because of my lack of knowledge on how to be a reliable missionary. All four turned me down because they were too busy, which was the beginning of my distrust of the “elite” or seasoned pastors and the first introduction to the ugly side of some Christian leaders.  

I have had many readers reply to me and state that my articles were accurate and scripturally based, and how they have helped them in many different ways. I strive to be open and honest in all my relationships and if something is amiss, I will do what it takes to explain, repent, and/or mend a relationship. If not, we can choose to part ways but at least I would understand the circumstances and what I did wrong, if anything. 

However, I see a problem today that makes it almost impossible to obtain closure, reconciliation, and respect between men who are in conflict, and this is within the Christian faith. Many Christian men do not want to communicate or face conflict. 

Over the decades of my life observing both Christian and non-Christian men, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference. Men, in general, are supposed to be the head of the house, make difficult decisions, have wisdom, love respect, and protect their wives and children and a host of other duties. I have witnessed Christian men become shallow and fearful, avoid conflict, refuse accountability, and rely on others (wives, friends, and the media) to do some of their thinking. And sadly, many Christians can’t be trusted with confidential material. 

Along with the world, Christianity is in turmoil. We suffer from the same problems, struggles, and debauchery the world has but we have no excuse for our conduct. You see, we have Jesus, who has saved us, and scripture that can lead us in and through any difficult or tempting circumstance we face. Help is there if we choose to accept it.  

Men, if you are still unsure of who you are and how you are supposed to live, open The Book, all you need to know is there. 

Do you measure up?

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Corinthians 16:13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

Titus 2:2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

1 Peter 5:5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Titus 2:7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,

Men, prove your love of God and dedication to His word by being obedient to what He asks us to do as men and stand up and do what he asks.