DO YOU HAVE TWO OF YOU

Do you have a personal side you don’t share?

Do you have a different personality when you are around other people? Do you hide feelings and emotions you don’t want anyone to know about? And do you really think that people do not see that you are hiding things while you refuse to open up as you put up a false front?

From personal experience and decades of interacting with masses of people, I believe that many of us are in that category. I will start by discussing myself because that’s where I am. As a pre-teen growing up in a very dysfunctional home, I had two faces and personalities. I pretended I was happy, had a smile on my face, and whistled all the time (so my older sister told me) but that was only one side of me. The other side needed love, attention, and affection. However, in reality​, the other side knew anger, punishment, and abandonment. I remember when I was about five, I was going to run away. I put on my coat and sat by the door waiting for someone to rescue me even though I knew there would be hell to pay for my actions. Eventually, I took off my coat because I was never discovered. I imagine some of you can relate.

As a young adult, I still had two of me. As a cop in Detroit, over 50 years ago, I had to be strong, tough, stern, and assure of myself while the other me was sometimes scared (I occasionally worked a one-man car from 8 pm to 4 am in the inner city), unsure, and made some stupid mistakes. But the confident and self-assured me put on a good front. Did I confess my struggles with anyone, no. There was not anyone I trusted enough to open up to so I lived with two of me. If anyone can relate, you know​ how tiring it is!

What point am I trying to get across in my article (it is not pity or sympathy) it is to encourage everyone to take time to stop and spend time with the people you love. Look to see if there is another side to them that is looking for something missing in their life that they are afraid to express to others. I think in the past it was the ignorance and self-pride that kept people from seeing their other side and the struggles they faced. Nowadays it may not be pride but the fact that people are too busy, too selfish, and have little concern for change to acknowledge their problems much less seek healing.

God can help us in this, and all, situations if we will study His word, be honest and open concerning our struggles, and if we will be conscious of the needs of others. It’s amazing how kind words, compassion, and sincerity can be uplifting when shared with others.  

Now I can fast-forward to 2024. Do I still have two of me? Yes, but not as seriously as I did 55 years ago. And I owe that blessing and relief to Jesus who was patient, did not give up on me, and forgave me.

What about others? Because of my experience in this area, I see many people I am acquainted with who struggle with another side of their life that they ignore and seem not to attempt to let that side go.  It is apparent that they are struggling but they will not speak up or even be honest. I have a friend who I have known for 26 years. We were in the mission field together, been through struggles with the deaths of friends and children, and shared life. We used to have lunch together every week, then it went to every two weeks, then to once a month, and now I just wait for his call. I’ve asked if I have done something to offend him, if there is something that I can help him with, or if there is anything he can share with me. The answer is always no, there is nothing wrong, and everything is OK. He is not the same person I used to know. He is struggling but desires to keep it to himself. Very sad.

The problem I see all around is that people will not speak up and the struggles they have just keep them down. They let Satan have control and all the while make excuses to themselves for why they are trapped. People seem to think they have to fix it themselves or they say there is nothing wrong.

It’s the same in church. You see people in church sitting there looking sad and lonely but when you talk to them, they brighten up, smile, and say everything is fine. However, they reject the friendship you try to show them. Then there are the people who are friendly but are quick to say hateful words to others for no reason and then act like nothing happened with no apology.

Everyone has struggles but the important thing is to try not to handle them on your own. Unfortunately, that may be difficult because it may be hard to find someone who is a true friend and will not turn on you in the future (I have faced that dilemma).  

Fortunately, I found that to get rid of, or curtail, the other me I had to believe and act on the wisdom that Scripture provided me, I am loved and valued by God, I have been forgiven, and I was not alone in my struggles.

As far as the joy, fun, and excitement Christmas brings please remember that it is not that way for some. Keep your eyes, heart, and compassion open to see if there are others in your path who may be struggling and are looking for someone, a kind word, or compassion to help them ease their burden.

Blessings, D