MENDING FENCES

MENDING FENCES, SHOULD WE?

I will make a long story short, which I usually do not do because the results of the story are more important than the story.

About three months ago, at a bible study I attended, a brother in Christ was running down the pastor at the church I attend in front of me. This had been happening for several months and occasionally I commented that what he was saying was not true. On this day it happened again and sadly I had enough and lashed out in anger and told the brother I was tired of his gossiping and telling things that were not true in an angry tone. He said a few words in return and finally our leader asked us to calm down. The meeting ended and the brother walked out.

At this point, I was able to put my Christian hat on, apologize to the leader for my improper behavior, and take responsibility for my actions (but not for the words I said just how I presented them). When I returned home, I sent an email to my brother and to all attending the bible study that morning. Again, I apologized and repented for my rudeness and said that I had no excuse for my actions, they were unbiblical. I did not receive a response from anyone.

A week later I had breakfast with the leader of our group and we briefly discussed what happened and he advised me that the other brother stated he was not coming back to the bible study. On the way to our vehicles after breakfast the leader surprised me with a statement, he told me not to come back to the bible study, I was too divisive! Shocked, I said OK and we parted ways. I learned prayer was needed before I was to comment. A few days later I sent an email to all concerned and expressed my disappointment with the way this entire situation was handled and asked our leader a few questions concerning leadership. No reply was ever made. 

Three months later I received a call from the brother I had the conflict with and he asked me to call him back. Unsure of the conversation, another argument, or a peaceful settlement, I returned his call.

After pleasantries were exchanged, he made a heartfelt apology for his actions. He did not make excuses for his behavior but did say his life was in turmoil at that time with numerous illnesses and back problems (which I know is true because we have discussed these concerns many times and in prayer).  He stated that since the argument conviction had haunted him daily. His prayer life was a mess, he knew his actions were wrong, and yet he could not bring himself to call me. That was until the Holy Spirit convinced him that it was the Christian thing to do. I accepted his apology, we both repented, admitted our wrongs, and took responsibility for our sins. And all was forgiven.

Why am I writing this as an article to share? Because it is a teaching moment for all involved (and others reading it) and an opportunity to learn and grow in our walk with the Lord, fellow Christ followers, and people in general.

What can we can learn from this incident; do not let resentment fester and do nothing about it or curtail it.  Go to the person involved personally and discuss it with them. Or go to the leader and ask for advice on how to handle it. You can bridle your tongue (James 1:26). Biblical advice I chose to ignore.

Is constantly putting someone down appropriate according to scripture? If not, stop doing it. Take action to stop an argument before it happens, especially if you see anger is in the forecast. 

Communicate openly and honestly and follow the scriptures’ advice. If you have followed scripture advice and done things properly and you must ask someone to leave, make sure you follow Matthew 18 criteria (Note: this was not followed in our circumstance).

Personally, my takeaway was don’t let animosity build up inside me before I say something, bridle my tongue, seek wisdom from scripture on how to handle a situation, don’t gossip, consider others’ feelings when speaking, repent, and reconcile ASAP if appropriate, and it is very important to communicate openly and honestly.

The brother I argued with, we got things settled, fences mended, and apologies were accepted. As for the leader of our bible study and I, the distance between us is great. I did try and communicate with him and ask questions about why he did what he did or did not do in this situation. So far, I have had no communication from him.

Life is a challenge sometimes, no make that often!

Seeking advice from scripture before we spoke would have prevented this argument from happening if only, we would remember!